True Story from Portsmouth


A match between two non-League teams took place last winter in the South of England in Portsmouth.

It had been raining heavily all week and the ground resembled a swamp.

 [Much of Portsmouth is at sea level or below]


However, the referee ruled that play was possible and tossed the coin to determine ends.

The visiting captain won the toss and, after a moment's thought, said, 'OK – we'll take the shallow end.'





Scottish Referee



What do you call a Scottish player in the first round of the World Cup?


The Referee.





Expensive Season ticket prices at Old Trafford !!!

It's a Funny Old Game !!!


   A light hearted view of the world....................


Watch the Game - Ref !


A spectator at a local league match at Bransbury Park, Portsmouth kept up a constant barrage of insults and derogatory remarks directed against the referee.

Finally the referee could stand it no longer. He marched over to the sideline and, looking the noisy spectator squarely in the eye, shouted, 'Look here - I've been watching you for the last twenty minutes .........................'

'I thought so', the spectator retorted loudly, 'I knew you couldn't have been watching the game.'

The Ref and the Funeral Procession


In the middle of the game, the soccer referee suddenly blows his whistle to stop play when he sees a long funeral procession on the road that runs alongside the field. He closes his eyes and bows his head in prayer.

'Wow,' said the yellow carded striker. 'That is the most thoughtful and touching thing I've ever seen. You truly are a kind man. I'll never think badly of a referee again.'

The referee replies, 'Thanks lad, we were married nearly 30 years.'

Referee In The Bar After the Game


A football referee walks into the bar after a game and orders a bottle of beer and hands the barman a £20 note.

The barman decides to cheat the referee, so he hands him back a five in change.

The Referee accepts the £5 change, takes his bottle and goes and sits down.

After a while the barman wanders over and starts talking to the referee and says, 'You know, we don't get many refs coming in here after the match.'

'I'm not flipping surprised,' splutters the ref, 'with the beer at £15 a bottle.'

World Cup Referee's Influence


It was the World Cup Final dinner and dance held in the evening, after the final. The festivities were in full swing when three newcomers arrived without tickets. 'It's all right,' said one, 'we're friends of the referee.'

'Whoever heard of a referee with three friends?', said the bouncer, as he threw them out


Five Funny Reasons to Become a Soccer Referee


1) You love football, but can't quite understand the rules.


2) You have the strange desire to run aimlessly around in the wind, rain, hail and snow.


3) You love the sound of verbal abuse.


4) You find it hard to make decisions, and whenever you do, you're always wrong.


5) You enjoy changing your clothes in cattle sheds.





Refereeing Comments


Your defending is about as much use as a chocolate fireguard 


I never forget a face.... but I'll make an exception for yours


Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date.


I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce


100,000 sperm to choose from, and you were the fastest.


I was born at night but not last night


If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.


My answer is right it is your question that is wrong